Remove Military Bases from Texas

Remove Military Bases from Texas

You will recall that in this column last year, we had a lesson on parody.  When I first heard about Jade Helm 15, I thought it was something written by The Onion, the popular and hilarious parody website. 

Jade Helm 15 is the name for a military training operation that will take place in some southwestern states this summer, including Texas. Jade Helm means “blue helmet” like those worn by the U.N. Peacekeepers. These states were chosen because of their similar terrain to countries overseas where our troops might one day be required to perform real operations.  After all, do we want our military to go into a war situation with equipment they’ve never used or maneuvers they’ve never tried in real time?  End of story.

But it wasn’t.  Lucky for America, we have Governor Greg Abbott of Texas to warn us that this is a conspiracy by the military to take over the State of Texas.  He claims it’s in preparation for martial law.  Lending further credence to his claim, the Governor activated his State militia to monitor the military. And who better to back him up in these allegations than Chuck Norris?  He speaks from his many years experience of playing a Texas Ranger on television. 

Ted Cruz, pretending to be a serious candidate for President, never misses an opportunity to blame Obama.  He joined the wacko wagon by stating that he understood why people would think like that after so many years of distrust and lies by President Obama and the government. He announced he made an inquiry to the Pentagon.  The Pentagon had to stop their important work to actually respond to these idiotic allegations.  “No, there is no plot to take over Texas,” said a Pentagon spokesperson. 

This wildly insane conspiracy theory spread like wildfire.  And it got even better!  Remember all those stores Wal-Mart suddenly closed?  This led to the rumor that underground tunnels are being built between those stores so China can slip in unnoticed to help Obama and the military take over Texas.  A talk show host went even further and said the abandoned stores were going to be used for FEMA prison camps.  Give me a break!

I have to believe that all the oil in the ground in Texas has made the brains of Texas leaders mushy.  I have come up with a solution to shut down this entire Texas takeover conspiracy theory.  If President Obama and our U. S. Military were to immediately remove our military bases from all of Texas, this would be proof-positive to Governor Abbott and Ted Costello that we have no interest in over-throwing Texas.  And, if Texas should ever be attacked by a hostile country, I hope their State Militia, with the help of Chuck Norris, can handle it. 

Speaking of wildfire, a law making fireworks legal in Georgia was signed this week by the Governor without so much as a bang.  This was one of those Bills placed into another Bill at the closing moment of the session so as not to attract possible opposition.  There was a good reason fireworks were banned in Georgia for decades.  Fireworks injure children, teenagers, and even responsible adults.  Fireworks cause fires.  But on the bright side, where I live in High Falls, we will no longer have to worry about being hit by a stray bullet fired into the air on holidays.  All we have to worry about now is our house burning down. 

Marilyn Langford